gemma short writings

At the half-way mark, I was on track to reach this year’s goal of averaging at two films watched a week, ideally that I hadn’t watched before but with a few exceptions. However, I was starting to get fatigued by the excessive amount of mediocre choices to choose from on streaming services. I thought to counteract it by more trips to the cinema; I was highly anticipating my trip to Cultplex to watch La Chimera, a film that had initially passed me by because when I first tried to watch it I was too tired to keep up with and fully appreciate a bilingual film. This trip, and my pursuit for good cinema, were suddenly uprooted by the death of a grandparent. I had no desire for anything new.

July has been a rough month. When figuring out how to either take my mind of things or figure out what to watch to help process my feelings, my attention constantly drifts and I struggle to commit to anything. In an attempt to cast light among the shadows, I thought I would share the few gems that have slipped through the cracks. This ranges from tv shows I return to in hard times, to the occasional rewatch of a comforting romcom to remind me how silly and futile we are. I also wanted to share the occasional new thing that I managed to engage with and found meaning in. I hope this helps and gives inspiration to anyone going through a hard time.

re-watch: Pretty Women. I watched this two days after everything unfolded, and it was my first time being on my own. I had found a glimmer of hope in dancing around the kitchen to the Mamma Mia movie soundtrack while cooking, only for that to come crashing down when I was brought back down to Earth after a couple of family phone calls. I sifted through for something familiar but that I felt content with zoning out while watching. Somehow, Pretty Woman – a romcom about a rich older man acting as a saviour for the much younger escort– seemed like a good choice. Once again, I was drawn in by Gere’s and Roberts’ chemistry but could see the glaring class and gender issues. However, this time I became fixated on the 18-year age gap, and veered on the edge of an existential crisis upon realising that Roberts was younger than I am now.

re-watch: Fleabag. But specifically the second series. Not only did I find it to be the superior of the two seasons (excluding the spiel about women being born with pain in them), but it has the perfect balance of hope and devastation. Beyond that, and the perfect opening episode (I’m a sucker for films and episodes of television that feel like plays), I think I watched for the funeral episode.

Last week was my first time attending a funeral in thirteen years. I had spent a week preparing myself to read a poem, one that I meticulously searched for with the hope of it being one that would have made him smile. The hour leading up to it was the worst of my life, but I miraculously composed myself and did not falter. In the days after the funeral, after I had had at least a dozen of people compliment me for the poem, my mind would go to Fleabag at her mother’s funeral. They’re different circumstances but both feel so bizarre even if driven by kindness. I think I understand the episode better than I used to.

re-watch: The Good Place (currently on season 3). It seemed bizarre to my family that on that first night I turned to a television show that is about the death and after-lives of four people. It made perfect sense to me. Beyond it being a brilliant and philosophical work of comfort television, seeing this entire universe that expands far beyond our comprehension of life and death brought me some peace. The first two seasons in particularly were cathartic, and I appreciated that I didn’t need to watch it all in one go because each season is like its own show.

re-watch: Muppets Most Wanted. I must have first watched it last year with a close friend of mine. We half watched it in her second-year uni house, while the other half of our attention went to appreciating each other’s company and nattering away about any problem in our lives that had ever mattered to us. Over the course of the year since, I have developed a deep appreciation for the muppets, particularly because it became a bonding experience with my sister. We don’t watch many movies together, but we sat to rewatch this; while I was only half watching, I sat in appreciation for having her there with me.

watch: The Invite. This made up for having missed out on Cultplex the other week, and this was the first time back at my happy place (the cinema) since Disclosure Day a month ago (and the first time watching a great film in cinema since the beginning of June). Like I said before, I am a sucker for movies that are like a play. This had a stellar cast of just four. Olivia Wilde and Seth Rogen have great chemistry in their miserable pairing, whereas Penelope Cruz and Edward Norton clearly have fun as the elusive couple from upstairs who proposition them. Wilde is also at her best as a director here. Sometimes, a good medicine to grief is to be distracted by good (and surprisingly emotional) cinema.

re-watch: Doctor Who (currently watching series 3). I had forgotten how dark this series is, not just with the mid-00s grunge look to it but I mean the storylines. The commentary on mass starvation and exploitation in the aftermath of the Wall Street Crash (just one example of a storyline) hardly screams comforting television, however I wanted to return to a series of television that I have enjoyed and found comfort in since I was 4-years-old. If in doubt, my family and I always return to Doctor Who, plus I’ve always considered Martha to be one of my favourite companions.

watch (Ann Droid): One by one, my parents and my sister and I all got sucked in by Diane Morgan’s new comedy. It hit rather close to home (the story of a vulnerable woman adjusting to life on her own after being widowed ran the risk of upsetting me), however I just found it so endearing to watch this story of Sue (Sue Johnston) adapt to being supported by the well-meaning but disastrous Ann Droid, Linda. Morgan’s performance of Linda was certainly hilarious at times, however it was extremely cathartic to see glimpses of humanity and compassion in her. If you can stomach Sue’s whiney son Michael and his insufferable wife Renee, then Ann Droid is well worth the watch.

One day, I will branch out again to watch new films and television, and I won’t rely so heavily on re-watches. Maybe even one day I will watch La Chimera like I once sought out to do. But for now there’s no harm in just leaning on what I can find comfort and meaning in.